How to Survive Thanksgiving

There have recently been untold columns on which wine to pair with the Thanksgiving feast. It seemed that immediately after Halloween, all media outlets, from the monthly food magazines to the morning talk shows, began to pick up the story…which by the way, is generally the same story every year. This is not one of those posts. I promise. But just to get it out of the way. Find a bottle of Michel-Schlumberger Pinot Blanc and a bottle Cabernet, preferably aged.

Being the resident wine geek, I am naturally chosen to decide which wines to purchase. If your family is anything like mine, you’ll have to be a bit strategic about how, when and what wine to pour. You have great uncle Johnny, who will suck down every last drop of the best wine but won’t touch the plonk you bought especially for him. Allow me to introduce Aunt Jane who fills her wine glass straight up to the rim and gingerly sips. Then there’s cousin Jimbo who doesn’t drink wine except when all other choices are gone and then it becomes his sole mission to cause like effect with the vino. With these ends, we drink a lot of box wine. It’s best when slightly chilled so we sometimes keep it outside. We have terminology to define the stages of volume in the box. When it’s too low, we must resort to removing the bag from the box and ”milking the bladder” and when it’s almost gone, desperate times are called for. ”Piercing the bladder” is the only way to savor that last drop. I’ve learned the hard way that when the best bottle of the night is finally revealed there is precious little to go around. Here are a couple of tips to keep everyone happy:

1. Volume is good.  Bring copious amounts of mediocre wine to keep your less discerning relatives at bay.
2. The upstairs bathroom is the perfect hiding place unless you’ve used it the year before.
3.  Reveal the secret stash only to your wine conscious relations. They will appreciate your discretion. They too fear cousin Jimbo and great uncle Johnny.
4. Always have a corkscrew in your coat pocket.
5.  Imbibe normally and then casually avail yourself to the upstairs bath.
6. Return to the table and enjoy!

Now some of you may claim that all at the table will enjoy a taste of the good stuff, which would not be untrue. So…set aside one bottle and allow all to taste. Open the bottle with great flair (they’ll be amazed you didn’t have to use the rabbit eared corkscrew), tell them of the vintage, the blend and then share with them the last time you were at the winery and what a nice conversation you had with the winemaker about the influence of organic viticulture on wine quality. I imagine that by this time they’ll have already had their tiny schluck and will have moved either back to the box or perhaps (and by perhaps I mean always) to something a little stronger.

Thanksgiving is a time to share, but only in moderation and with good sense. Looking forward to your Thanksgiving stories!!